"I will play the fool forever..

...just to be with you forever."

i.. "have to let him go so i can let him go too"..
we've been thru a lot and i believe it's not enough just letting anyone go. but we'll be suffering the worries and sorrows, we won't be able to move on. though it's not much an issue for me due to certain facts, still i'll be haunted because of his different persona which i see or find in a particular individual. and i'll be together with that individual for 3 years. yup, a blockmate.

"I will play the fool forever..
...just to be with you forever."

she said i have to let go.. forget about the 3rd for the common good of all. but all i can say is.. hope is very comforting. all i can do is hope, and in the process, be stubborn and blind to the reality. but they already have a place in my life.. a position that can never be abandoned, a seat that can never be vacated. i was given an obligation to be fulfilled, and i'm proud to sayu until now i'm fulfilling my duties. but he's unfair.. he's abandoning his seat...leaving the audiences not finishing the show. hmph! unfair...

"I will play the fool forever..
...just to be with you forever."

unfair... that's why i have to let go...
but hope is very comforting!!! as long as i have hope.. all will be swell, yaH?

"I will play the fool forever..
...just to be with you forever."

there. i've said it...though not vividly complete. i just hope the preceeding days would now be something better .for the past days, it was just a new-a-day-comin'-up...let's hope for a good day coming up!


play the fool..don't know for how much longer...
-_-

one cup at a time

i was already asleep around quarter to nine..
i was having these dreams..well,not exactly dreams...more like visions. it was vague. and i was able to wake up from it.but as soon as i got to sleep again,or close my eyes, it starts again.

these were the incidents i called my hallucinations. but this time..it was different.

but basically, it's a sign that i'm stressed out or tired...
or luna.

hmm..sadly... i'd prefer the latter. when i woke up, i spotted a ball of cloudy light right through my window unto the sky. it was a luna,and it wasn't full though.

sigh... a deep sigh...

are these signs?...signs pertaining to what?..ahem.
let's just play along and go with the flow until everything cleras up. time will tell as the saying goes.

one cup at a time

coffee

how i long for the savoring

the warmth

comforting through the cold lonely nights

a cup

as i held it in my callous hands softens my touch

sip by sip

replenishes my soul

at home and at ease

each cup brings a sense of solitude, serenity

with you by my side

we spent the days reminiscing

company forever

all those years spent together

-ejme

one cup at a time

damn!
my blog is overflowing with coffee. even the shirt i was wearing last saturday was a coffee shirt. pero ano toh?! wala pa kong naiinom na coffee since...since...
see!? i can't even remember ung last coffee ko. ah! i remember. pinapak ko lang ung a couple of pints(pints!!!) ng coffee last june. desperado! i need an expresso!(waw rhyme!).

i miss my coffee. ahem! epal nga pala ang coffee!!! di muna ako iinom ng *c* coffee. hmph! haaay..i miss coffee..as in coffee ha! tapos ang gift ko pa kay baba coffee, sana pala ininom ko na lang un. nyahaha!!!

flashback:saturday, july16,2005
nga pala...kwento ko lang. napanood ko na ung Fantastic Four!!! F4!!! last sunday ko pinanood sa SM fairview with a couple of people. (waw..couple of people?) okai, fine! we celebrated baba's oober-belated birthday. it was what rap connoted as "Bam Day!" it served as baba's 17th birthday celebration and sort of get-together with her closet, i mean closests friends. me, koi, K and opcorse the rapi (nyork!). actually di dapat ako kasama nun, kasi studies muna (as if). kaso sayang kasi dapat nung nakaraang week pa dapat ung celebration kundi lang dahil kina TIKOI e. (nyahaha!!! peace mahn!).

how did we celebrated the eck? hmm..accdg to rap's plan's with an additional studio pic. rap planned the thing. speaking of the "jin" (ahehe..) di DAW kami lQ koi! ahem! para sa kanya e di naman DAW kami nag-away or something like that. that's another reason kung bakit ayoko sana sumama. ayokong maging KJ or make the atmosphere cold due to my unwanted presence(o his presence?). pumunta ko para lang kay baba, tsaka para makabonding sina karen at koi. (youch!).

so pagpunta doon, sa forsaken quantum, di ko siya pinapansin. at eto ha...shite! we're wearing the same color but different shades of orange! yuck!!! si baba naka-light orange na tee.si rap naman naka-orange na polo, while i was wearing orange-with-a-hint-of brown coffee t-shirt (mas detailed ung akin ah). waw..is it a sign?...sasayaw ba kami? nyahah!!! they were making efforts to reconcile us, but obviously to no avail. i don'yt know 'bout him, but iwas sure kung ano ayaw ko mangyari. ahem!

magagaling din tong tres marias na ito. they went to a nearby mag shop, leaving me cornered with the jin in the studio. no choice...i talked to him about the studio eck. pero hanggang dun lang un. it doesn't mean na kinausap ko siya e bati na. sa point of view ko un. ewan ko na ung kanya. siya nagbayad, fine. pero kung walang tampo, di ko hahayaang siya lang magbayad. bait ako e.

siya rin bumili ng ticket sa movie. muntik na talaga akong mag-back out nun kasi di pa ko nagpapaalam. kaso nabili na niya, tumawag na ko sa bahay.
nood F4..okai. it wasn't boring. it was fun. i enjoyed the movie, the dialogues, the script,the chem lectures. ahehe. CHEM 101! the down thing to this movie, bitin ung battle scene. for me, kulang pa sa showcasing ng powers nila. pero overall, it was great.

sa pag-uwi...sinundo ako ng dad ko sa may don antonio na. hehe.so kasama na rin dun ung, hinatid ko sila sa bahay nila except kay rap. naglakad na lang siya pauwi sa kanyang old home sa cb.

issue for the past few days:
pathetic to! napaka-insensitive niya. hmph! gets ko ung iniisip niyang "true friends crap" niya e. kaso, he's too cocky. overconfident siya na ganun talaga dapat. he forgot about his efforts and contribution for that eck to work. he's insensitively selfish. maybe he's just lucky that he got me as his friend, matiyaga and stupid. swerte niya!

para naman kasi sa kin, it's worth the shame and stupidity...

..yun ung masaklap dun na hindi niya nage-gets. haaay...

sharing:
i'll share with you a pic...
parang ganyan ung shades nung orange-coding naming tatlo nung saturday.

focus: monthly exams:
haaay...miggy...
FOCUS! leave that crap aside for awhile and focus on the monthly exam. haha!! di ako nag-aaral mabuti.
tuwa ako sa math, nadalian ako. pero i made a mistake na. sayang,kala ko perfect na. kailangan ko nang mag-aral maigi for the other subjects.

Plug time:
wala masydaong happenings today ..i mean personal stuffs, ung emotional craps. guess that's a good thing.

magp-plug lang ako..

• tomorrow, wednesday.. don't have anything scheduled. maybe i'll meet with my USTmates. or daan ako kina baba ulit just like nung monday.
• sa thursday daan ako UPdiliman to meet with jane and madie. miss them already and i'm worried about jane.
• sa friday i'll be meeting with the UPmanileños in Robinsons. pero di ako pwede gabihin. tsaka di ko pa nasusubukang pumunta doon. try ko plang sa friday.

tomorrow..test sa filipino at rizal...at hindi ako nag-aral for rizal.kayanin ko kaya? 1-3pm ung test pero as early as 6:30am nandun na ko.

tomorrow another day...will it be the same as today?...sana lang walang emotional craps.

i'll go for coffee tomorrow!!! so i'll can toast for a new day comin'!

one cup at a time

aaww...i'm touched..
friends! no more worries! mula nung monday e umayos na ung aking social life.

nung monday kasi we held our freshmen integration. merong contest kung saan ang bawat block ay magpapakitang gilas, either song or dance or roleplaying. each block was assigned to a theme or subject. kami, dahil block C, C for coconut. haha!!! swerte na namin dyan kasi ung A-arinola, B-bibingka, D-diapers, E-i forgot, F-frying pan, G-gugo, H-hollowblock. ang ginawa namin, sa first part meron kaming jingle at cheering. tsaka ung "..the coconut-nut is a giant nut.." song. 2nd part naman e dance showdown between girls and boys. syempre kasali ako sa mga dancers. nung sumasayaw kami parang nagwawala buong crowd dahil sa mga "stunts" na pakana ng aming "D.I.".

well...the creative efforts lead us to our...VICTORY! yea! and our prize was, i think, 5 bags of doritos,cheerios. malalaki naman kaya emnough for the whole class. nyhaha!!(52 kami take note.).

nakatulong na rin ung victory na yan para di ko ma-feel na ako'y "nag-iisa". i mean, when we won i realized na i've just underestimated my block...or i overestimated the other blocks? i think it's the latter. nyahaha!!! kasi naman..in xientian terms, kenkoy ung presentation. (btw, kenkoy is not a negative term).it's mediocre in xientian terms, but it was hell of a fun. kumbaga sa atin, un ang tinatawag na pagkakalat!nyahah!!!

mula na nung monday e, di pa ko namumura nung seatmate ko. wala namang umaaway sa kin. hindi rin naman ako basta nagpapa-under noh! pag may nagmura sa kin binabato ko pabalik!

kaya me friends, don't worry too much... even if i'm on my own, carry ko toh! aba! ako ata si miggy, tagabuhat ng pasanin ng mundo! (waw...superhero ba ang dating?yuck!).

lumang issue na ito...punta na sa next.
this week, july18-22 we will be havinbg our monthly exam!!! it's a test only taken by those under the Faculty of Pharmacy. unlike the other faculty/colleges, they only have prelims and finals to worry about. pero dahil nga kami ang "baby" ng ust, we're given a pre-prelimanary evaluation. our monthly's will determine if we're really determined (determine used twice) to pursue our course, med tech. we still have the chance to shift to a lighter faculty/college if we're not willing to "suffer" while taking med tech. if ever bumagsak naman sa monthly pero willing tapusin ung med tech, makakabawi pa naman dahil meron pang prelims at finals. un ung design nung 3 test in a semester. a ganda diba.

ako, i'll pursue this course na. 3 years of study and on my 4th year, i'll be an intern!!! waw!!! then i'll be a professional medical technician..tapos...diretso sa MED!!! weee....!!!

all these dreams and hopes...i pray to thee...
something to really look forward to...to a new day comin' up!

one cup at a time

tagal na kong di makapagbuhos ng loob..
..sorry people..

okay i'll make this brief as possible.

everyday's a new day..
for the first days, i thought i was being an introvert no-placer until the
likes of francis came along the way. waw..amazing. i'm with people, as
in group of individuals, during lunch hours. having a meal is much
satisfying and belly-filling when shared with a gorup of people.lunchmates!!!

for the succeeding days, for awhile i thought my social life was coming
into the clearing, away from the secluded darkness of my lonliness.
uh-uh! not for long! now, my worst days are finally starting. i'ts not that bad ..well, not yet! but i can't tolerate such ..such...pathethic-ness! is there even such a word? i'll just coin it as "pathetic-ness".

pathetic. hmmm...ako ba? nyahaha! i don't know. i feel like i'm pathetic. para bang nasayang ung mga high school experiences ko. di ko man lang magamit. ...
hindi magamit? hmmm...
lie-low lang ako ngayon. low-profile. 52 minds in a block, and not a single soul brave enough to fused their overflowing ideas. ha! that's pathetic. (ano nga ba meaning ng pathetic? pathetic ako ng pathetic, mamaya di naman pala tama ung term. nyahaha!!!).

ung mga nauunang nabanggit that's pertaining to my block, 1C-MT. *cheers*cheers*.
ahem!

narrowing it down...
i feel bullied.
WHAT!!! si miggy, nabubu-bully?nani?!?!

ay ewan! people..are, people.
they're very inconsiderate about other peoples "people-ness". they tend to forget the fact that we're all beginners, all freshies. we came from different high schools. we all have different pasts, personality, experiences and we were parted from the people who've been surrounding us during our hs life. nakakalimutan nilang malaki ang mga differences namin, and we are all stubborn about certain facts about other people. kaya nga dapat, maingat ka kasi di mo kilala ung mga tao sa paligid mo. di mo pa alam kung panoo sila magreact sa mga certain things, actions or words na binibitawan mo. akala nila at home na agad sila. news flash! magkakaiba tayo ng kinalakihang cultura at paniniwala. mag-ingat dapat kasi baka nakakasagasa ka na ng iba. kung noon ang lakas mong mang-gago ng mga tao sa high school dahil un ung trend nyo, e ngayon di naman same people ung nakapaligid sayo e. malay mo ba kung panoo nila i-take ung panggagago ng isang tulad mo. are you getting what i mean? mag-ingat na lang. people are neglecting the situation na di naman tayo magkakakilala personally. hindi porke nakitawa na ako sa mga biruan nyo e pwede nyo na rin akong biruin na ung tipong panggagago. when i entertain people,it doesn't mean that we're personally close or friends agad. lakas din ng feeling nyo ah. dama nyo!

ang sa akin lang...di tayo magkakakilala, nagkakakilanlan pa lang tayo..sana e mag-ingat kayo.

consider this an open letter to my 1c-mt. as if may 1c-mt na makakabasa neto?
...well sana lang.

----
cut ko na ito... haaay...nakakasira lang ng magandang gabi...
monday's another day...
will it be a NEW day?

[one cup at a time]